I am writing this to you late on the Eve of your first birthday. I don’t know what time it is exactly because your birthday is on Daylight Savings. There should be a rule that no ones first birthday should be on Daylight Savings. I want a full 24 hours to celebrate you.
Anyway, this will be posted at the exact time of your birth 3:11pm. Yes, you were born on 3/11/11 at 3:11pm. That’s pretty awesome isn’t it?
A year ago I was exhausted and relived that you were finally born. The next 3 months were hell and honestly I don’t remember much. All I know was I wasn’t able to care for you in the way I wanted. I wasn’t the “Perfect Mom” I had planned on being when I was pregnant.
The only thing that made me happy was putting you in cute outfits. Soon I started a blog devoted to your cute outfits and my random thoughts. Then I asked for my blog readers to send postcards from all around the world for your birthday. I wanted you to feel that you are loved and part of me was afraid that you wouldn’t feel loved when you grew up and found out I suffered from postpartum depression. So I figured if you got enough birthday cards for your 1st birthday maybe it would make up for everything?
Silly I know because I really have nothing to apologize for. You were born, I got postpartum depression, it was horrible, I started a blog, and I got better. Honestly, I am glad everything in the past year happened because if I hadn’t felt so sad I wouldn’t have felt the need to write, and then I wouldn’t have a blog, and then I wouldn’t know so many awesome people from around the world.
But don’t get me wrong I LOVE all the postcards and gifts we both received. They are all amazing and will get posted eventually… I am just too busy planning your party to do it.
I also want to thank you for being you. This year was tough but it made me closer to your Dad, I lost myself, and then became the woman I always wanted to be. Being your Mom has made me become a better and stronger person. It’s hard to explain but this video that SuperGlamFan Laura made a video kind of explains it!
I need to go to sleep now so I can greet you in the morning with a big kiss. Tonight when I put you to bed you gave me a ton of huge hugs. It made me so happy to know that you love me despite the mess. Your hugs are the most amazing thing in the world so please tell your teenage self to still hug me even during your rebellious phase.
Good night my little babykins and thank you for teaching me that “Perfect Moms” are boring and over rated because if I was a perfect mom I wouldn’t have this blog or it’s readers and without this blog I wouldn’t have survived the past year.
One last thing and then I promise I will go to bed because Freckles is giving me the stink eye. I love you so much I can’t even put it into words. Which is hard to do because if you haven’t noticed I am a bit of a talker.
P.S. You are a lucky girl because you have a really awesome Dad!